​Merry Christmas, Chefs! This is the second attempt at writing this blog, as the first one spiralled into a depressing pile of drivel about how shit 2020 has been. We all know that already, I’m not dealing with that bollocks. Also, by the time you’re reading this, the rules and situation may have changed again. You’re either, scrolling though social media while laid up in your furlough position on your furlough sofa. Or you are on moments break during a busy service. Maybe even taking a moment away from looking for a new job or career. Either way, thanks for taking a moment to read this.
Let’s reflect on the positive things to come from 2020. Some great chefs have risen to the fore. Kerth Gumbs blasted on to our screens. Lighting up Great British Menu and our Instagram feeds. Tom Kerridge has released a new cookbook which seems to be on every chefs Christmas wish list (Hint Hint). You’ve probably perfected your sourdough recipe during the first lockdown and learned too many TikTok dances. Many chefs have been doing their bit for their local communities. Providing food for local charities and those less fortunate. Some have been hosting online tutorials to share their skillset with other chefs and home cooks. I, myself offered some cook-along classes via Zoom and Facebook. I have to say, that was one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. Connecting with people online as we all muddle through this pandemic together.
We, as an industry have shown how we can adapt to this pandemic with only a few days notice. Takeaway only? Sure. Tables of six maximum? Sure, we got it. Same households only? Ok, no problem Boris. You want the minimum wage bar staff to police that too? Errr OK? We have shown our resilience. Even when the floodgates opened for the Rishi Dishi event, also known as the Eat Out to Help Out campaign. We were there. Day one, took a lot of us by surprise. But by week 2 we got it worked out. Well. Some of us did. Others bailed in a fanfare of “fuck that!” We should be so proud of how we have come together as a business sector. Suppliers and wholesalers all working together with compassion and understanding so that we can all try to survive.
I’ve literally just got off the phone with one of my fish suppliers for this weekend’s delivery. Signing off the call with “we’ll see what next week brings” Neither of us knowing which Tier we are about to be dropped in to.
We in hospitality have the capability to evolve and adapt, almost overnight in some cases. Turning a food-led pub into a cook-at-home meal kit supplier. Chefs wearing face shields and masks, trying not to suffocate. Michelin starred chefs now vacuum sealing their talent for the domestic cooks to try and replicate, reheat and not destroy at their convenience. Pallets of plastic takeaway boxes awaiting to be filled by the chefs at restaurants and pubs up and down the country, each sealed food portion containing a little disapproving look from Ms Thunberg and many other environmentalists. It’s a little ironic that we now prefer our fruit and veg wrapped in plastic at the supermarkets. A perspective which would have drawn heavy criticism just 18 months ago. Hopefully, we’ll return to the plastic free, or greener plan once we see daylight at the end of this pandemic, if not sooner. Saving the planet, much like many other global issues, seems to have taken a back seat. We can only hope that our new normal narrative will contain a little more foresight and not be brushed off as “Tomorrows problem” ….hope.
Christmas is just a few days away and this was supposed to be a festive blog. All I can really do is wish you all a merry Christmas. Let’s hope 2021 is a better year for everyone. The Christmas party season is a non-event this year. In my 30 years as a chef, I’ve only ever had one festive period off. That was due to a job change and I managed to wrangle the whole of December off prior to starting. On reflection, that period of my life could have been seen as a trial Lockdown. I had shut myself off from society and I had become at one with my armchair. All being well, by the time you are reading this, you have something which resembles a new normal for you. Some consistency. I hope you can see a pathway through 2021 and beyond. Better days are coming, that’s my promise to you. If you are going through crap right now. I can assure you that we’ll soon be returning to moaning about the hours, the over booked restaurant, the management who think we are magicians. We’ll look back on the Furlough days with rose tinted glasses. Remembering the lazy sunny afternoons and the boredom with fondness. Stay positive. Reach out and chat with your peers. No one is finding it easy right now. Try to stay safe and healthy.
Although we should celebrate our successes through 2020, there is room for improvement. The level of cohesion throughout the industry does fall short at the top end unfortunately. Through no fault of our own, we have a clear lack of representation at the highest level. There is a campaign to appoint a government minister to represent the Hospitality sector. A sector with is worth £130 Billion in the UK alone. If you’re interested there’s a link to the petition Here.

It was around 5pm on a Monday evening when the announcement came in over the news. Boris Johnson had just told the British public to avoid going to the pubs. This was one of his first measures introduced to try and slow the spread of COVID-19. Errr, thanks mate! I’d literally spent the whole day doing Mise En Place for the next few days, as my new Sous Chef was away on an ill-timed trip to Ireland. My first reaction was, on reflection a little selfish and rash.

The feeling of “what the fuck!” swept through the industry like its own unique natural disaster. Lots of professionals and restaurateurs took to social media, demanding explanations from the government. The handbrakes had been put on. Chefs, bars staff and food servers were all in the dark. Business owners were being asked questions they could not answer. More importantly, did I need to order more minced beef for tomorrow? 😊 I was down to my last batch of chilli. Were we closing? I had placed orders with suppliers for later in the week. Come on Boris, give me a heads up! Mother’s Day was just days away. The stock levels were already starting to reflect this. Professionally, this could not have come at a worse time. Mother’s day is the day the hospitality industry waits for. Usually the most frantic and intense service of the year. It makes and breaks chefs and waiters alike. But already, the cancellations were coming in, from some of those who had already taken heed of what our Prime Minister had instructed.

One of the most frustrating parts, from my perspective, was getting in touch with some of the part time kitchen staff. Letting them know that they would not be needed until further notice. Not having any real information for them apart from that. We were in unprecedented times.

Over the next few days, the situation escalated. We gathered in the bar to watch the daily announcements from number 10. Waiting to find out if we were going to be told we had to close. Primarily, were we going to get paid. People were still coming in to the pub, despite advice from the World Health Organisation. I guess some people felt that they knew better than the smart souls, in the science labs, who have researched this shit. I was only there through obligation. Doing my best to avoid contact with everyone who strolled into the bar. Watching the global, daily death tolls rising. Knowing I have friends and family in the regions they were discussing. Surely It’ll never get that bad here? Look at us now!

When the word did finally come from Number 10, I was just setting up for a Friday evening service. I knew an imminent lockdown was on the cards, but the air of disbelief in the pub was visible. By 6pm there was a throng of survivalists at the bar, clambering for their last beverages. As much as I appreciated the trade coming through the door, everyone who came in, I eyed with caution. You washed your hands bruv? I just wanted to get home to my family.

I could see the stress it was putting on people around me. The pub has recently had a brand new kitchen installed, along with some other refurbishments. Due to open any day. A lot of money had been spent on getting it ready. Frustratingly close to completion. My seven year wait for the new cooking space was coming to an end, so we thought. Everything was now on hold. But the news from the government was a small piece of welcome relief. A few assurances were announced which lifted a lot of our pressures. There were still uncertainties, but the atmosphere was definitely lightened by the knowledge that we would be getting some sort of pay.

under wraps for now.Over the days which followed, Chefs up and down the country were offering take away and delivery services to help clear remaining stocks. Some are carrying this on for the foreseeable future. But a majority of employers are starting to look towards the welfare of their staff. After all, community starts at home.

As for the future, who knows? This lockdown looks to be going on for a while. A few restaurants and bars may fall by the wayside and not recover. But I sincerely hope, we can all get back to where we were. I have a shiny new kitchen waiting for me and I really am starting to miss being “Chef”. My wife and kids have never eaten so well. It’s still fun to raid the kitchen cupboards and create dishes in the style of Ready-Steady-Cook! But I feel this novelty may wear off as the lockdown progresses.

Once this is all over, I hope that the public look to reinvest in the British economy, by literally pissing it away. Hitting the pubs, restaurants and theatres. Calling out the plumbers and electricians to fix all the jobs we’ve bodged up around the house during this lockdown. Meeting with friends and family, face to face and hugging them like never before.

I hope the sense of community stays with us and we all respect those who helped keep us going during this crisis. The Shop workers, the medical professionals and the people who have kept us connected. The entertainers, the writers, the musicians and even social media personalities, who are doing their part to provide content and memes for scrolling fingers.

Stay Home, Save Lives.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/

Over the past year, I have been fortunate enough to be asked to visit schools and colleges. Talking with students taking GCSE cookery and to those in catering colleges. I’ve helped out in food tech lessons and had the opportunity to speak with the young people about possible careers within hospitality. I personally feel that this is something we, as chefs, should be putting ourselves forward for. Engaging with young people. Showing them alternative industries. Our industry is fading out at grassroots level. It’s not really being offered as a career choice in high schools or from parents. Working in hospitality is largely seen as a job you do while training for something else. The British perception of a young person working behind a bar or as a waiter is that it is not their proper job! As for chefs. Well they just appear. There seems to be no acknowledgement that some people WANT to be chefs. Restaurants are just opened by people who like to cook…. Or the French! 
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I’d go in to schools and do my thing. A little cookery demonstration, help out with lessons and talk about my career. By no means the most extravagant career. But I’ve travelled, I’ve eaten, I’ve met some of the coolest people. This profession has been good to me. That’s not to say it hasn’t tried to kill me a few times. Careers in the kitchen are often overlooked. I can honestly say that the jobs mentioned by careers advisors while I was at school were heavily focused around white-collar jobs. (And I don’t mean chef jackets). Doctors, accountants, vets, business owners, teachers and that executive lifestyle. I understand that a lot of things may have changed nowadays. But for me, back in the 90’s (so long ago) it was a time which felt like there were only a handful of career options. Pick one… NOW! I still feel that 15/16 years old is far too young to be trying to think of a career, but that’s another blog, for another day. 

After my visits to schools. I’d often get a message from the parents of a child asking for advice on careers as a chef for their son or daughter. Result!!! 

So, here is some of the advice I pass on:

• There are so many types of chefs these days. From High-End Michelin Star and private yacht chefs to social media food stylists. The careers can be so varied and ranging. Don’t think for one second, that being a chef is all about wearing whites and shouting like Ramsay! Look into the different aspects of hospitality. Get experience of different types of cooking, food service and restaurants. Where you start is rarely how you’ll end up. Many fine dining cooks have turned to street food trucks. Café cooks who have turned to large scale event catering. Go get that experience.

• Move around: following on from previous point. Your CV should show different experiences. This is where the hospitality sector is different to most other careers. Employers like to see people who have moved around either within a company or to somewhere new. I’ve always said that 2years is a good amount of time to learn and move on. Especially in the early part of your career. Once you’ve found a position or role you are happy with and suits you, then it’s over to you.

• The hours are LONG. You will be on your feet for 12 hour days. You will put in the miles as a chef. So it’s really important that you look after yourself physically and mentally. So, factor this in when you are moving around in your career. If you find an employer or role which supports your own wellbeing, then it’s worth sticking out. These are rare unfortunately. You want to be able to take breaks, holidays and have people around you who make you feel good. 

• Ask questions throughout your career. You will never stop learning. Food trends change constantly. There is always something new to learn. A few years ago, when I was teaching a mature learners class, I was shown how to make traditional samosas by one of my Somalian students. I absolutely loved that day. The teacher, becoming the student.

We are seeing a slight resurgence in the hospitality field, with people taking more of an interest through TV shows like Great British Menu, MasterChef Professionals and the wealth of cookery shows on streaming services. Unfortunately, there are a few shows which do very little to ingratiate this life as a chef. Highlighting the pitfalls, aggression and stress which can come with the Chef-life Hashtag. It’s our role as real chefs, real restaurant and bar staff, real hospitality workers to make ourselves accessible to anyone who shows an interest in this industry. Spare five minutes to talk to the those who ask. We don’t want to be replaced by vending machines. 
Thanks for reading. I’d love to know: What advice would you pass on? Tell me your positive industry stories? Have a great 2020! #CookStrong

We are all human. We are all part of the same species. We do our best to live our lives to the fullest capacity. Navigating our way through a mixture of chaos, luck, love and mediocrity. I sometimes feel that we, as chefs and people who work in the hospitality industry, we fit just outside the realm of the social norm. We still have the same desires, needs and wishes. We still want the same things from our lives. We just naturally have more realistic expectations of life. I feel this comes from working in the service industry. From this vantage point we witness the society’s best and worst types of people. The polite and the rude. The humble and the brash. The Princess and the Ladette.


This is just a blog. It is not a structured thesis. I will not claim it is by any means, a complete social diagnostic. This is just a blog. Buy this, I mean it is just my personal, social observation at this point in my writing I don’t even know if I will reach a conclusion. But I’ll persevere.


We work in an industry where the job we do, most people can do for themselves and often do for themselves most days. By this, I mean we feed people and most people are capable of preparing a meal for themselves even it’s beans on toast, making a drink or a sandwich. We are just trained (usually) to be able to do this job professionally, quicker and hopefully tastier. This puts us in a strange position where we are open to criticism buy anybody. They’ll compare against their own ability, previous experiences and their expectations. There are very few industries in which the simplest and menial aspects of your job can be scrutinised by the general public. From the crispness of your ironed shirt to the flakiness of your pastry. There has even been criticism from people complaining about other guests being “too noisy”. Like, that’s the fault of the venue!!


It’s been said several times by several different people, that being a chef, takes a special type of person. Whether you work in the high-end fine dining or are a grill chef in a fast food restaurant. It takes a special kind of person to maintain longevity in this trade, while retaining their sanity and physical health. Being able to graft for twelve hours a day consistently for several days in a row. All while also trying to function as a normal human being.. It takes a unique person to be able to work front of house for hours upon hours on their feet. Either being objectified, look down upon or just plain ignored as a member of the same species. Most of us chefs love what we do but we wish for the better balance. Lots of employers talk about offering a better work life balance. But the practicality but being able to fulfil this from a business point is very difficult. As chefs we’d love to work, the mythical, four day week but we all want to be paid for a seven day week. Food industry habitually and globally underpays and under values chefs and hospitality workers. Part of the problem here is that we are guilty of undervaluing what we do. We can take for granted, that what we do in just normal. Whereas, the general public would look at us like we are magicians. Like I mentioned earlier in this blog. There are a lot of things the public can do and replicate for themselves at home. But when we get it right! Oh boy! We can blow minds. We can unlock emotional experiences. We ARE magicians!

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So, I suppose what my summary would be, that we need to know our self-worth. We really need to value what we do and be valued for our role in society and Humanity. Because, like my mum told me when I first told her I was going to enrol as a chef at college “People will always need food!” I like to believe that people will always go out for something to eat/drink. We are one of the last future proof industries. When the banks and governments are all run by Artificial Intelligence. The chefs will still be going strong….Until Jeff Bezos buys and clones all the chefs for Amazon!

In 2018 Kanye West released an Album, title “Ye”. The artwork on the cover featured the quote “I hate being Bipolar, it’s awesome”. In its profoundness and simplicity it encompassed his feelings towards his own personal medical diagnosis. I have never pretended to understand what it is like to be bipolar or the daily battles involved in dealing with many mental health issues, but that’s not what this blog is about. Sorry, but it’s not.

I may be oversimplifying this. But I found this title to be very relevant to how I feel about being a chef. I, by no means want to take away from anyone suffering with mental health issues or mental illness. This is just a reference point I have connected to an image.

So. Do I really hate being a chef? Of course not. Is it Awesome? Sometimes. I don’t want to preach to the choir here. Most of the readers of my blogs are chefs, work in the industry or are people who just like to stalk me. Either way, most are quite well versed in my opinions of this trade.

It is bloody hard and the hours are long. The money is mostly shit and everyone is a critic of your work. Literally, everyone! That all sounds pretty horrible right? Very few industries can claim to put it’s employees through this scrutiny. The likes of TripAdvisor, Yelp or whatever, being able to empower faceless reviewers to pass ill-informed comment on service and procedures they may know little about. Shit, right?

But then there is the other side. The friends we make. The chefs we cross paths with as commis and then again, in latter years as Head Chefs. The Knowledge that you’ve seen each other’s kitchen fuck ups. They are the untold secrets, their chefs need not know about. There is the prestige which comes with success. The review from a respected journalist or a nice write up in the local paper. Better still, a customer telling you directly that the meal was amazing! These are moments again, which are rarely rivalled. So much joy can come from this industry, that I know I’d struggle to turn my back on it fully.

Having a skill like this, will always be respected. If you are a good chef and take your job seriously, you will be admired. So many people look at chefs like we are Magicians, Wizards or Witches. The skills we take for granted, are looked at by “Muggles” as if we just pulled a Rabbit Fricasse out of a hat! We chefs sometimes underestimate what it is we do. Maybe society is to blame for this. Especially here in the UK where the hospitality industry is looked at as something one does to supplement their income. “What’s your day job?” or “Did you always want to be a chef?” The latter question is one I get asked very often. I only recently connected it with the notion that people would not assume “Chef” as a career choice. That’s another rant, for another blog!

If you are considering a career as a chef. Go for it. I’ve been a chef for over 25 years and I still love it. Like any relationship, there are good days and there are bad days. The industry is going through lots of changes right now. With more emphasis on wellbeing now than ever before. Employers are more aware on how much they can and cannot push their staff psychologically. The benefit of this can result in better way of life for ALL involved. Happier employees, happy customers, better food, better business. Makes sense, right?

Being a chef is a love/hate thing. I could ramble on, but I know you get what I’m saying here. We mostly all feel the same.
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I hate being a chef, it’s awesome. This summarises my feelings to an extent. Although hate is a very strong word. Too strong, in fact. I may update the image/title to say Being a chef pisses me off a bit sometimes, but it’s pretty cool. 

I was in the gym the recently. I jumped on a fancy new machine and I was asked to enter some details via the digital display. Weight, height and age. Not the first time I’ve had to do this at the gym. So, without giving it too much thought I answered the questions. Weight: 92kg (ouch!), Height: 183cm (Whatever 6ft is in cm), Age: 43….yeah 43?…Hang on… shit! I’m 44! I had seriously forgotten my age. How long had I been saying that I am 43? Considering my birthday was last November. Had I completely disregarded that one? The more profound realisation, was that this year, I will be turning 45. I know this is by no means “old” but it made me think. How much longer can I do this for? I’m not talking about the cross trainer I was on, but, this life as a chef. I know there are a certain level of chefs, who may not be able to relate to this. But, to the faction of us in stained whites, who are serving up the not so glamorous burgers and chilli nachos to the beer and Prosecco swilling masses. The days can be long and monotonous. The only reprieve coming when taking a moment to scroll through Instagram and daydreaming about being a part of the Tweezer Crew in some chrome and steel plated, high-end kitchen.
So, what’s the plan Brian? What’s your End Game? (that was going to ne the name of this blog, but didn’t want you to think it was an Avengers Movie review). As I’ve stated, I know 44 is not old, but it is an age which I feel I should be seriously considering my next move. I’m not actively looking for a new job, but I always consider new opportunities, ventures and collaborations, whether it’s cooking, consulting or teaching. This usually fits quite nicely into my current roll at the pub and with my website. That’s kinda what I do…but how long can I keep doing it?
For the purpose of this blog and for those in a similar situation, I thought I should list some of options I’ve take or thought about. With a view that those who actually read this post, can add their own ideas in the comments below, thus creating an inspiration wall of strategies. Ya get me?
Me, myself and I:
The approach which I am currently taking, is more psychological. I enjoy my job. I find aspects of it frustrating, I wish I had more money. All the normal qualms people have with working full time. But, what I do now is, I focus more on my life outside of work. Making the commitment to something which is not related to pots and pans. For me, it’s running, going to the gym and working on improving my fitness. It’s making me focus on something else which is inherently more important. Me! Ironic as it was the gym which triggered this whole episode. Fitness does not need to be the focus here. The point is, making structured time for yourself and moving the kitchen, bar or restaurant away from the top of the list. Reading, audio-books and podcasts are another thing I add to this tool kit of self-preservation. Shut the world off. Focus on myself.
Money:
Taking a reduction in pay or hours is an option I toyed with. Could I go and work in a school or care home for a reduced wage, more family friendly hours. Stepping away from the restaurant sector and more in to the care/private sector. I know a few chefs who have done this. It works for some. But this is where the balance of mental welfare and financial stability can be like walking a tightrope. There are a few chefs working as sales reps. Still in hospitality. Selling everything from chilled pastry items, fruit and veg, to Combi ovens. These jobs tend to pay a little better than being a dinner-lady/man. But as with most Sales Rep jobs, these are mostly commission based. So the pay will fluctuate.
Start-Up:
Go for it….or don’t. That idea you’ve always had for your own place. Can you do it? Take the time to develop a business plan. Do your research. Whether it’s a Bar, restaurant, tea room, food truck, pop-up or something completely different. Stop procrastinating and grab that pen, a piece of paper and start scribbling down your idea. Just by focusing on this, it will give you something to think about. Even while you are working, use those moments to think about what you’d do differently or even, the same! I have a new business idea most weeks. I know this is the area I need to commit more time to personally. I’m hoping to host my first official pop-up within the next 12 months. This comes with a lot of stresses and hard work. But as Maya Angelou says Nothing will work, unless you do!
Freelancing:
A booming sector right now. Lots of chefs are taking themselves off the grid and becoming wandering hands for hire. You can end up working a lot more than you were before, but in theory, you do get paid for every single hour you work. But if you are looking to take your foot off the gas, this may not always be the best option. Your employer will want value for money and they tend to demand more for the £20 per hour chef even when it’s not so busy. Again, this works for some. Have you got a car? This is a very viable option. My advice would be to get your negotiation skills up to speed and get short term contract agreements signed.
Career change:
For a while, I went in to teaching. I was an instructor of Professional cookery at the local college. I loved this. Well. I loved the teaching part. The bureaucracy of the roll was what frustrated me. But that’s for another blog. Needless to say, This is where I fell in love with teaching. I was only in the roll for a year and a half, but I still now do visits to schools and colleges. As well as private cookery tuition.
To date, I am one of the few remaining chefs still cooking professionally, from my graduating class at catering college. They mostly dropped by the wayside to become bus drivers, bank workers, firefighters, taxi drivers, mums, dads and in one case, running a Skip Hire company! I love being a chef. I don’t feel I could stray too far from what I do now. The changes I look for are more to do with coping strategies. I can’t see myself doing anything which is not related to food. Maybe you see yourself in an office or “doing lunch” with colleagues. That’s not a world for me chef! Put a pin in that, we’ll touch base over brunch yah?
Talk:
This is the one which is most important. If you are struggling with your workload. Talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be a coworker. Just talking with someone WILL make you feel better. But if you can talk to someone at work who can influence your conditions, then do it. If they want you to be happy, the humanity in them will drive them to make it so. Leaving a job is not always the best solution. We’ve all been in the situation where we’ve left a job, then found out the thing that was pissing you off there has been changed for your replacement.
If you have no one you feel you can chat with, drop me an Direct Message for fucks sake. I’m proper nice (mostly). I’m no therapist but you’re still welcome to pay me £150 per hour or just buy me a beer if we meet.
I can’t claim to be an expert on behaviour, social well being or any sort of psychologist. But I have wrestled with the subject of “What next?” a lot over the past few months. This blog is by no means detailed. I can only apologise for that. Maybe one day I’ll be in a situation where I can afford more time and resources to do more research. If you are like me and starting to think about how you want to see out your career, please comment below. There are so many options these days. The hospitality sector is so vast. Your dream job or opportunity is never that far away. It just takes a leap of faith and self-belief. I will keep doing my thing. I love what I do, but I know it’s not sustainable. I’ll still focus on self-development. Maybe one day I’ll look back at this blog and think what was I worried about?
Maybe I’ll write a book.
Cheers
B

1. Marco is lifer. This is the chef who probably has a Marco Pierre White tattoo on his/her forearm and regularly quotes from White Heat. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as I am myself, a regular user of a quote from the Lord and Master MPW!

2. Can’t cook, won’t cook: How the hell is this person a chef? They must be Head chef’s best mate/lover or a family connection. We’ve all worked with a chef like this. Never seems to get found out. Am I the only one seeing this? The flip side to this, is being a chef, in a kitchen you feel is way out of your league and you are praying not to get busted. Keep your head down and pretend you know how to use a that Centrifuge machine thingy.... “I’m a chef, not a lab technician”.

3. Name Dropper: Loves to name drop. Slides in to most conversations with how they worked with Gordon, Heston or Angela. Yes mate, you told me that already! It’s nice to be proud of your previous employers achievements, lets see what YOU can do!

4. Pastry: The corner of the kitchen where the dark arts are performed. Never make eye contact with an expert pastry chef. They will steal you soul and turn you into an exceptional Bavarois.

5. Young gun: All ideas and enthusiasm. Still in their first months of full time employment. No relationship or family concerns. Says yes to all the extra shifts without fuss. The older, more experienced chefs take great pleasure in watching stitching coming undone in this newbie! Slowly becoming bitter and the realisation of “this is my life now” taking grip of their passion. This is the point where they must be nurtured and shown pacing strategies to avoid burn out. Too many are left to fend for themselves and leave the industry in the first few years. Sad but true.

6. Hipster: All too cliché now. Sleeve tattoo, too much hair product, facial hair (men), Vintage bandanna (women), Expensive denim or leather apron. One, single, custom made knife, used for everything. Ironic Crocs. Do I need to go on? Come on, tell me I’m wrong? 🤣


https://www.thestaffcanteen.com/Blog/coolest-chef-tattoos-as-voted-for-by-you

​7. Blogger: A real disdain for the industry with delusions of self worth. Always looking for ideas for next post. Tries to be funny, but usually spirals into a depressing rant about hours, pay or lack of social life. When they have nothing real to say, they knock out a top 10/top 16 style post….wait what?
The grumpy blogger

8. Old school: “Get the fuck out of my kitchen with those tweezer things!” and “That boil in the bag nonsense can go fuck itself!” These chefs struggle to embrace momentum in the industry. They believe new ideas and cooking methods are just fads and hipster bullcrap! Don’t ask them to write a vegan menu either. Mushroom risotto anyone?


9. Book Club Chef: Owns and studies every cook book which comes out. The even claim to own a copy of the El Bulli books which were like £200 each. With their library and knowledge, they are the greatest chef on the planet. In reality…not so much.

10. Jedi master: The chef who is brilliant (a solid 9/10) at everything. Has a gnarled up little black book of recipes in their back pocket. Totally understated knife set, carried in a grease stained tote bag. The set of blades actually contains a few original carbon steel Sabatiers, with a whetstone and a copy of La repertoire. No one knows anything about this chef outside of the kitchen.
Still got your copy?

11. Sexecutive Chef: The chef who can’t wait to tell you the details of their most recent sexual exploits. Often exaggerated, mostly fabricated. Just let them chat their shit as long as they are ready for service.

12. The Machine: Usually found in the veg prep room, ripping through a sack of shallots. Will only cook from a recipe. Will follow the recipe to the letter. Creativity is for “others”.

13. Zombie Chef: Looks dead. Should be dead. Needs a holiday ALL YEAR. This chef could be a subcategory to most of the others on this list.

14. Chatter box: “Did you watch Masterchef/Great British Menu/chefs Table? Did you see what *Insert chef* did on Instagram/Chefplus? Did you read Knife of Brian’s latest blog on The Staff Canteen? He’s brilliant, I love him!” The chef who seems to have too much spare time on their hands and a major case of F.O.M.O. (Fear Of Missing Out) This is usually quite tolerable right up to the point where they start talking about X factor or Strictly Come Dancing.

15. Wannabe Influencer: Ambition is great. But calm down. Buying Instagram followers and YouTube subscribers may get you social media fame. But it’s the food you actually put in peoples stomachs which will be remembered. There are only so many variations of Avocado on toast which I can look at.

16. Fatally attractive: Totally unrecognisable outside of the kitchen. He or she moves under the radar a work. Just a colleague. You’ve never really looked at them in any other way apart from as “chef”. Then, one day , you see them in their “out-out” clothes and shit changes. No chef hat hair. No neutral body shaping whites. This god(dess) walked among us and we never knew. The term Scrubs Up Well was definitely meant for this chef.

To be continued by you…..

Please take this post in the manner which it is meant. This is just for shits n giggles. Feel free to add your own “chef types”. Lets see if we can fill a kitchen. Is there anything you’s add to these? Which one is you? Slide into my DMs.

Peace out,
​
Brian

Top 10 Fictional Chefs:
​
This month I thought we’d have a little fun. I thought I’d give you a run down of my Top Ten fictional chefs. The results are based on minutes and minutes of research while flicking through my phone during a quiet spell on a Monday lunch service.
Get in touch if you feel I’ve missed someone in this contest which is set to rival the “world’s 50 Best Restaurants” in prestige and accolade.

10. Chef Monica Gellar. I’ve only added her so I can rant about her really. The chef who’s never at work. Surely a more accurate representation of a New York City chef would have been for her to have just not been there. Now, I’m no oracle of knowledge when it comes to the hit show “Friends” but I don’t remember Chandler ever saying “….I’ll find out when Monica is off and get back to you guys. You know how it is!”

9. Sherman “Preacher” Dudley AKA LL Cool Jay in the film Deep Blue Sea. Now this chef had his shit together. You know he was getting paid top dollar working as a private chef for this Science Team. I don’t want to give away the ending for the few people who have never seen this classic, but I’m quite sure my boy LL hid from the killer shark, in his oven…. I may be remembering that wrong. Feel free to correct me.


8. Spongebob Squarepants. So, many have called him a one trick pony, but if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. Mr Squarepants had people queuing for miles for his Crabby patties. Very few chefs can claim to have this much interest for their own signature dishes. Others have tried to replicate the “secret formula” but often failed. His skills as a chef coupled with his cheery outlook on life, are the reason he makes this top ten.


7. Remy Rat. I’m only putting this vermin on the list because some of you who responded to me when I asked for your favourite fictional chef, said Ratatouille. Personally, I can’t stand the film. Rats don’t belong in kitchens. Full stop! Stupid concept. Crap movie. That being said. This is a chef review, not a movie review. Remy’s skills and natural ability are worthy of high praise. His passion and quest for excellence are to be admired. He definitely did the great Auguste Gusteau proud. As a side note, in researching this blog (lol), I was led to an article which referenced the late real chef Bernard Loiseau as inspiration for Gusteau in this movie. If you take anything away from this list. Go read more about Chef Loiseau.


6. Adam Jones from the movie “Burnt” Despite the helmetless, motorcycle ride scene through the streets of London to pick his mate up from prison, this film was pretty good. But like I said, this is not a movie review. This list is compiled based on my personal algorithm which is fuelled by Gin, tonic and ice cubes. So, as I found Adam to be a bit of a knob, He does not make it much higher than sixth position. His quest for Michelin stars showed his single-minded determination and little else by way of personality. Controversial?


5. Now Carl Casper on the other hand was a much more well-rounded character. The Film “Chef” Will make you hungry. The chef’s skills on show were more rustic and relatable to me. As well as the often-seen power struggle between owner and chef.


4. Chef- South Park. Chocolate. Salty. Balls. Legend. Need I say more?


3. Swedish Chef. This is probably my first memory of a chef to appear on the TV. Therefore, he makes the list for his influence. As this seems to be the case for a lot of chefs. Growing up and watching the TV in the 80s, was all about the Muppets. Several chefs have attributed this chef for inspiring them to be in the kitchen. Daniel Humm, Dominique Crenn, and Heston Blumenthal all told me this. This is 100% true. Because you’re reading this on the internet…. Or did I just dream that?


2. Gareth Blackstock A true ambassador and pioneer. Head chef of the Chateau Anglaise. “Chef” was BBC primetime viewing in the early 90’s. As a chef, he displayed class, talent and charm. He pulled no punches and ran the kitchen with authority and was totally respected by his brigade. This TV series ended too soon. Definitely due for resurrection.

1. Casey Ryback. Those who know, know. Chef Casey Ryback was formerly a Navy SEAL. He lost his Officer status by doing something bad which I can’t quite remember right now. But that’s really not important. Needless to say, if there is ever a chef you want to stand behind, this is the guy. He looked out for his team and makes a badass Bouillabaisse. If you’ve never watched Under Siege, then we can’t be friends. All Hail Steven Seagal. Sorry, I mean Chef Ryback!

Honourable mentions: Ian Beale (Eastenders) I don’t watch Eastenders.
Who have I missed? Who is in your top 10? Who should be number 1?
Also. Check out my Chef movie night suggestions blog here https://www.thestaffcanteen.com/Blog/chefs-movie-night-suggestions-blog-by-knifeofbrian Or on medium here https://medium.com/@brix2tri/chefs-movie-night-suggestions-26b585f6dd21
Cheers,
Brian P.

​We chefs are curious creatures indeed. I often imagine a highly produced BBC Documentary in the style of Blue Planet, being shot about the behaviours of chefs. Animalistic and savage, yet territorial and family oriented. With a voice-over by Sir David Attenborough, we would be entertained by hyper slow motion shots of newbie chefs peeling potatoes (shot in real time). Through to the dramatic, overture which plays across the scene where the chefs fed on the carcass of the Sunday roast tray, mopping up the jus roti with the day old bread ends. They then scatter when the general manager or executive chef walks in. They fear an attempt of an awkward conversation about Love Island or recent football results….

I love being a chef. I’ve said this many times. I can find it challenging, but these days, it’s more of a physical challenge. Everything hurts as I’m getting older. Approaching my mid-forties, I am constantly aware of every passing hour. Counting down to the end of my shift so I can have a cheeky sit down while I phone my orders in. I know 43 is not old, but with my 44th birthday coming up later this month (22nd November if you wanna send me a card) I am thinking more about the next stage of my kitchen career. I am not a chef on the cusp of rosettes or Michelin. I am a good chef, but I am fully aware of my limits. I love to challenge myself and I have never shied away from graft. I pride myself on being a chef you want to work with when it gets busy. My coolness under pressure is my USP. My priority has always been flavour not flowers. I am definitely more Bistro than Blumenthal. I currently ply my trade in a pub kitchen, where we are spectacularly busy. I guess I’m doing something right. And like the 99% of chefs out there, the daily graft is real. So far removed from the TV chefs. The faded whites which chafe at the armpits. The turmeric stained apron and the trousers held up with a belt made from tightly pulled cling film. We turn up, we cook LOTS! We clean down, go home and repeat the next day.

Have a drink on me chefs!!Privately, I recently had a crisis of confidence. Fuelled by my impending birthday and that feeling of what now? Is it a young persons game? At almost 44, the harder shifts are getting tougher. Although the muscle memory for most of the tasks has set in. Keeping up with current trends and the ever changing legislation changes gives the older generation more things to think about. I was starting to consider how many years I can keep up to speed. Will my chefs tell me when I start making those silly mistakes which aging chefs make? You know the ones. We’ve all worked with a chef who has stayed in the kitchen a few years too long. We’d be pulling the pan of reducing Gastrique off the flames, as they had forgotten and overstretched themselves. I don’t want that to be me.

(Side note; How old is the oldest chef you’ve worked with?)

Forty-four is by no means old. But in this very physically demanding industry, it could be compared to professional sports. Should I take a move down into the lower leagues, become a dinner-lady, minus the gender reassignment. Chocolate crunch with pink custard? Is it time for this chef to start considering an exit strategy. Open my own restaurant? Forge a career as an author of a series of books about a wizard chef? What to do next?
Disclaimer; I am VERY happy with my job. I’m just looking at the big picture. The Greyhound in Ipswich has been a real life saver for me. I’ve had the opportunity to rediscover my love of food in an environment which suits where I am at in my own headspace. This post is more of a general rambling. Aimed at that large cross-section of us chefs who don’t sit in that illustrious top echelon. We, the guys and gals in the trenches. The chefs with no time for posting on Instagram. No desire for a cookbook deal. The lifer.

Coming back to this blog a few days after writing it. I was concerned that I was sounding a little defeatist. I am generally quite a positive person. Always looking for the next adventure, idea or opportunity. I love writing these blogs. These are the conversations which I often struggle to verbalise with my peers, family and friends. This, as I have said before, is my therapy. Just writing this has ignited the spark of motivation I needed. No, this is not my letter of resignation. Although, imagine that? One way to see if they read my blogs at work hahaha! I still don’t have a cast iron plan of what to do next, but I feel better for just putting this out there.

Thanks for reading

Yours Over-sharingly

​Brian

Update: There seems to be some mystery squiggles and characters in this post. You can read a clearer version on Medium (CLICK HERE) I really can't work out how to sort this.

What does it take for you to take a day off ill when you are a chef?

​I’ll keep this one short and sweet because I feel like crap.

Have you seen that chef meme?

[phone call]

“Chef, I’m not well, I can’t come in…”

“Oh no! Which Hospital are you in?”

“I’m not in Hospital chef!”

“Ok…See you at 4 pm”

How ill do we have to be to be able to take time out? With the recent season of flu, colds and sniffles being upon us. Chefs around the world are trying to be heroes by turning up in kitchens to get their Mise en place done. 

Meanwhile, those 9 to 5ers are wrapped up with a Lemsip, Netflix and a thick blanket. They have called in their “Duvet Day” (yes, that’s a thing) With no drama from the Human resources department. They can take the deserved break to recover and feel better.


Jealous, moi? Totally! Too many occasions have I been in a kitchen when I should have been resting. Too afraid to say, “I need my bed”. Dose up on pills and carry on. It’s almost like a badge of honour to be working while being unwell. But who is the mug? We joke about the snowflake/millennial generation, but are they the ones who’ve got it right? 

Why bust your ass at work for that £8 per hour, when a day off could be priceless? Living your best life should not involve trying not to sneeze into the Court Bouillon!

Now, obviously, when I talk about being ill, I’m only really talking about mild colds and not full-on Influenza. Here, I’m just really talking about the disparity between the hospitality industry and the office and retail sector. Chefs and service staff have to be sicker than the average to warrant time off. It is frustrating when a co-worker calls in sick, but let’s be honest, we moan about it, but life goes on. The job gets done. Also, when it's sincere, we would all prefer that the sick staff member kept their “dreaded lurgy” to themselves.

And yes. We all know the Environmental Health view on sickness. But here, I’m really just talking about the work/sickness culture. Do you work when you should be recovering? How easy is it for you or your employees to take time off? What can be done to make it easier?

With modern knowledge, we are very focused on the issues with mental health. We know people need to try and speak up when they have a problem and should not be stigmatised for it. But how can we expect this when people are still afraid to call in for the common cold?

I told you that I feel like crap. I’m now heading back to bed. It is my day off anyway, so I’ll be back at work tomorrow. I’d love to spend more time linking in stats and quantifiable research to this blog, but I really don’t have the energy. My wife and kids are giving me zero sympathy. I just want my mummy…..sniff!